Tag Archive - community

Flaws, Imperfection and Community

August 1, 2012 in People with 10 Comments

I noticed that when I wrote about my struggle with finishing the 18 mile run and quitting smoking, that there were a lot of enthusiastic comments in those two posts.

It got me to thinking.

A beautifully imperfect flower

You see, I don’t normally write about that stuff because I try to keep my blog inspiring—because my main goal is to inspire other people, encourage other people. But after the outcome of those two posts, and not just that you all commented and I was encouraged, but the relief I felt for getting it off my chest—after all that, I started to reconsider what I post.

And I asked, why was there such a huge outpouring on those posts?

Imagine a World Full of Perfect People

I allowed myself to be open and vulnerable to you all. And I revealed my flaws and my weaknesses in those two posts. The only thing I can imagine is this:

We all have flaws and things we would like to improve about ourselves and our lives. If we didn’t, what would be the point of being inspiring? Why would anyone need to be motivated? What would we have to cheer about or congratulate others on if we were all already perfect? If we were all perfect, we would all graduate with straight A’s from college, and therefore, graduating with straight A’s would not be an achievement that required congratulations.

If we were all perfect, we would not need personal trainers or gyms, because we would already take spectacular care of our bodies on our own, we would not need car insurance because we would all be perfect drivers and never get in car accidents, we would not need lawyers because none of us would do anything wrong against another, we would not need policemen because we would be able to keep our own peace.

It would be a different world if we were all perfect. In fact, if you think about it, it would be a cold world.

A Beautiful Paradox

I kind of like our imperfections now that I think of it that way. If we were perfect, what would we need? It is a beautiful paradox: our imperfections create a means whereby we need one another. This need creates community. Something you don’t have, I have and what I don’t have, you have. We can have a relationship this way. I need you. You need me.

By revealing my imperfections, I essentially revealed an opportunity for community to occur. I looked up the etymology of community. Etymonline says that one etymology of community comes from the Latin term, communis, meaning “common, public, general, shared by all or many.” In other words, community is created when something is shared by all. And certainly, we have this in common—we all have flaws and imperfections.

And so we get it. We understand and can relate. Now, it’s obvious that we all don’t have every single flaw. But, we all have flaws. And whether we have the same exact flaw or not, when we can recognize ourselves in one another’s flaws, community can be established.

On the flip side of this paradox, our imperfections can push us away from one another. And how does that happen? That happens when we do not see ourselves, our own weakness in another’s weakness. In essence, we have ceased to consider our own flaw, and are concentrating on the flaw of someone else.

Remember I said that if we were perfect, we would not need anyone. It would be a cold world. A person who has ceased to consider his own flaw, doesn’t recognize his need for others. This is where he acts in coldness toward someone else with flaws that he doesn’t see in himself. This is where he stops community from happening. He separates himself from community. But wait. This is that person’s flaw—not to see his own flaw. Do not judge even that person.

My Personal Experience

Recently, I have had to deal with a person like this. He is judgmental and has a certain way of thinking that leads him to belittle others. In his inability to see this about himself, he creates distance between himself and others. My initial reaction with this person has been to give him that distance, to shut down when I am around him, but essentially, I am also distancing myself from him and communication with him. And communication with him is essential. As I think about it now, I realize I am in the wrong. Why? Because the person who sees the situation for what it is, but does nothing to change how they react toward it, only perpetuates a negative situation. In my offense toward this person, I have failed to create community with him. (By the way, this is why I write, because it helps me to think through these things.)

It’s good to want to be inspiring and encouraging to others. And in my effort to “brand” myself and my blog with a certain “voice”, I realize I have missed out on some of the opportunities that sharing some of these flaws can bring. I’m thinking it’s good to share these things. Not just as a way to vent, but as a way to work through them and to relate to others with them. So, you just might see a little difference in my posts from here on out.

What do you think about that?!

I Dreamed In Bloggish and I Understood Every Word

June 22, 2012 in The Study with 10 Comments

When I was in the Air Force, I was a Korean linguist, which essentially meant I was trained in the Korean language to translate Korean. I studied the language for over a year and then I was sent to Korea. After being immersed in the language for so long, there were many nights that I would dream in The Korean language, speaking and understanding quite fluently. This is a common occurrence for those who have been immersed in their new language and culture

But I must say, I was quite surprised when last night I dreamed in bloggish–and I could understand every word! This whole idea might come as a surprise to you, given I am an English speaking person blogging in English. What do you mean, “bloggish?”

Bloggish.

Bloggish is the means of communication among bloggers.

To be honest, I can’t exactly explain the language as it was represented in my dream, except to say that I knew we were all speaking blog. But it didn’t exactly consist of words, or at least, not words only. Wait a minute, you are thinking. Language is words. But my answer to that is, no, not always. Language is a set of symbols representing something else. Language does not have to be words. It can be pictures. It can be body language. It can be anything that communicates. And if my definition is not intellectually true, or factual, it doesn’t really matter, because this was a dream. And dreams have their own rules.

Bloggish consists of a rhythm.

In my dream, bloggish consisted of a rhythm, the pace to the sequence of events. I think that probably had to do with our attempts to pace our blog posts in a regular fashion. We are always told that this is the best way so that our readers can count on us. The thing is, so many of us have other jobs, children, spouses, and whatnot that it’s hard enough to pace our meals, let alone our blog posts. For me though, it’s always in my mind to at least try.

There is also a pace, or rhythm that exists in a day that a new post has gone up. The regular intervals of responding to comments, checking stats, and of course, finding other bloggers to connect with.

Bloggish consists of a sense of sharing.

The language in my dream, bloggish, also consisted of a sense of sharing. There was this mutual understanding among the members of the blogging people that they could count on each other to share. Give. Giving.

I think about the people I’ve met in blogland, and I have always been struck by this. Bloggers generally are a sharing group. And maybe this speaks of people in general, whether we are bloggers or not, we want to share. But two things here:

Blogging gives us a platform on which to share.
Bloggers are attracted to this platform, at least in part because it means they can share their experiences.

I don’t know how many blogs I read where the people just want to pass on their experiences, whether it’s about coloring hair with a certain hair dye, or an experience with near death due to cancer–we long to share our experiences to help others.

But sharing is an even stronger means of communication among bloggers because sharing is encouraged. We want others to share our stuff. We want our stuff to go far and wide. That is a great mystery of the written word. The written word never runs dry. It can “fill up” as many people as who want to draw from it. In fact, sharing is one way our stuff lives.

Bloggish appreciates creativity.

In my dream, it was creativity that had meaning and value. When I landed upon creativity, there was generally a group of people circling it, all expressing appreciation. The creativity these bloggers looked at was distinct, unique. It was not cookie-cutter. This kind of creativity, in my dream, communicated to us, the onlooker bloggers, the perfect image of a person’s soul, of their subject, and of the components around both the bloggers soul and subject. Creativity created understanding.

I know when I have seen a blog that is different, unique. There is a certain way I feel when I visit that blog. Kind of like the blog is “out there” on it’s own or something, regardless if that blog has lots of comments and is obviously not “out there” on it’s own. I bet you have been to one of these blogs.

Bloggish reveals our blog culture

As bloggers, I believe bloggish reveals that we bloggers have a unique culture. This is something of a new thought for me; actually, I’ve just been thinking about this idea that bloggers have a unique culture for about two months. But I’d like to explore it a little more and see if there is any evidence to it. Or if it even matters.

Do you speak bloggish?

Have you ever dreamed in bloggish? Are you so immersed in blogland that you sometimes dream you are “in” a blog? Tell me, is there anything else I haven’t listed which is definitely part of blog language, bloggish, or part of blog culture?

The Blogging Connection

April 27, 2012 in The Study with 18 Comments

One of the things I like about blogging is that it makes me feel connected to the rest of the world in a way that I never have felt before. I have always wanted to be a part of something bigger, and I think blogging is that thing. At the very least, blogging is one of those things.

A Benefit to Linkbacks Beyond SEO

SEO experts will tell you that getting linkbacks to your blog or website is one of the better ways to give you that “google juice.” At one point that was important to me. Google juice is still important to me, but as I’ve gotten some linkbacks, I am discovering a better benefit—the feeling of connectedness. As I surf the internet and especially other blogs, I find things to write about, and I link to that person. That person finds out about me and later (but not always) they end up linking to me about something. If they don’t link to me, it seems like there is always some sort of exchange somewhere, whether on Facebook, email, Twitter or LinkedIn.

How Danielle LaPorte’s Burning Question Created Connections

Recently, I found Danielle Laporte’s website and blog and I wrote a “burning question” post. The burning question was “what money resentments do you have that you could let go of?” I submitted my post to her website, as did other bloggers, and several of us connected. We were all blogging about that “burning question” and so we already had something in common with each other. Conversation about our money resentments evolved in the form of a blog post from Mel Ann Morales who shared her experiences with her audiences. While I had resentments that centered around not having money while growing up, she had the opposite problem: her money resentments came from the wealth of her family, and the power over her that it had.

By reading my post, she was able to see the other side, and because she linked to my page, I found her and was able to see a perspective opposite mine! I responded to her, and she responded to me and when I went back to her page, I was able to see others respond to her as well. On the other side, I was having this same conversation with my audience, either via my blog comments, facebook, or email. And so, what I’m trying to communicate here is the awesomeness of the connections that were made—across the country and even across the oceans! I never would have been a part of this without my blog.

Going Beyond Social for Stronger Connections

But it gets even better. I’ve done two interviews of other bloggers so far—one which has already been posted, and another which will be posted next week. First, I was humbled that these people would share their lives with me and trust me to write something about them. Second, the connection that was made there is something that goes beyond the linkbacks and tweets and Facebook messages. We connected in real life. Outside of social media.

The thing about blogging is, if you blog and I blog, even if our topics are on a totally different subject, there is already something pretty powerful that we have in common. We are both sharing our lives, or a part of them with other people (i.e. readers), we are both familiar with the obsession of stats pages, and the difficulties of getting and maintaining readers, the frustration with getting our blog designs right, and the joys of certain posts and the connections we make. This alone is a powerful similarity.

Creating More Connections: Bloggy Bootcamp and Meetups with Other Bloggers

I’m going to be attending Bloggy Bootcamp in Philadelphia in May, and I’m really excited about connecting in real life with other bloggers. If you are attending this conference, please, please let me know. I would love to check out your blog, see what you are writing about and then get to meet you in person. I’ve been looking for blogging groups in my community. So far, I’ve come up with nothing. I don’t want the responsibility of starting one, but because of these connections, I’m starting to think if I can’t find a group, I just might have to start one.

*Chain picture courtesy of Max Klingensmith on Flickr via creative commons license.