With any kind of commitment you make, there will be times of struggle. That’s just all there is to it.
Saturday, I went out and ran 22 miles. These last six weeks or so, I’ve been accomplishing something new about every two weeks just by increasing my mileage every two weeks. It’s a great feeling, and my successes in these areas are spreading into my sense of self confidence in other areas of my life. But it hasn’t been easy.
And I haven’t shied away from the struggles.
Every two weeks, as I increase my mileage by typically two miles, it’s always the last two miles that are the toughest for me, and it is during those last two miles that I have to fight against the desire to quit. And it’s quite a strong desire to quit. I tell myself that I’ve gone a quarter of a mile longer than before, or a half or full mile longer than before–that’s good enough. But I ignore those thoughts, and I just keep moving forward, because I know if I quit, it could set off a series of “quits” in me. That’s because once you’ve quit ahead of time, that goal you gave up on becomes in your mind an unachievable goal. You remember how tough it was and the fact that you failed before and you can really psych yourself out this way. So it’s really important to just keep going to attain that next incremental goal.
And it feels so good when you are done, and you’ve accomplished another small step toward the larger goal that you are trying to achieve.
Me, after running 13 miles this time around. It felt really good.
If you are working your way through to an ultimate goal, and you are taking small steps to get there, you will encounter struggles along the way. Move through those struggles. You won’t reach the ultimate goal, ever, if you can’t get through the struggles you meet at each incremental goal to the ultimate goal.
Our society doesn’t seem to understand this.
We want it all now, and we want it easy. We float from job to job, relationship to relationship, experience to experience looking for that next adrenaline rush or good feeling that comes with the newness of a new relationship, job, or experience. We get tired of dealing with whatever struggles exist in our jobs and relationships. Few people in modern cultures are willing to stay where they are with the thing they started on, if that thing starts to get tough, or maybe even boring. They want out, and they start looking for something new, different. What many people don’t face up to, is the fact that they are trading in their “old” struggles for new ones. Their “new” experience will also grow old someday, and provide them with more struggles. And if they haven’t learned to face up to struggles in their last place or with their last person, the new struggles will be just as hard if not harder to get through.
I know I am guilty of this kind of thinking.
I’m working on my fifth year at my place of employment right now, which is the longest I’ve ever been employed by one place. I thank God that I have my husband and best friend working there with me because they have taught me how to “stick it out.” They have also given me reason to want to stay, even when I might have been going through struggles. What I’ve realized since being there is that “quitting” can become a habit. It can be a natural reaction to struggle or conflict that, if repeated too often, becomes a part of who you are. Breaking that habit is not easy.
Because we all know breaking ANY bad habit is not easy.
It doesn’t mean you are a bad person if you have this habit, or even that you didn’t have real reasons for quitting. But it does mean that at some point you are going to have to learn to stick it out. If you don’t, you wake up one day and realize you have no meaningful, long term relationships, you have no meaningful accomplishments to reflect upon. Because real relationships and real accomplishments manifest and have great value when you’ve had to go through some struggle to get them, or keep them.
I have this friend . . .
Besides my best friend at work, I have another best friend who is not so geographically close to me. Her name is Kim, and we have been friends since we were eight years old (that’s about thirty years, yikes!!). I don’t know what it was about Kim and me, but we stuck it out with each other through all those years and it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. We had our arguments, and we’ve also had times where we didn’t talk as much just because we were so far away from each other and lives can get busy. But when it seems like it’s been too long, still, one of us will contact the other, and it’s like no time has passed. One of us could have given up, said it was too hard to maintain this relationship, and that would be that. But neither of us has done that. And I feel blessed to have a friend in my life who has known me virtually all my life. The good and the bad. Neither of us have shied away from the struggles we had when living near each other, or now, the struggles of just maintaining a long distance friendship. And it makes our friendship that much sweeter. It’s valuable.
Here’s the cool thing about all of this.
The struggles are what makes all of it worth it in the end. The struggles are what will build your character, if you let them. The struggles are what makes the goal you achieve seem so much sweeter. So, I’m hoping you don’t give up. I’m hoping you stick it out even in the hard times, and even more so in the boring times, and that you don’t leave or give up just for emotions’ sake. I’m not saying don’t ever leave a job or a relationship–sometimes some people and situations are not healthy for us. But for the most part, sticking it out is good for us. It gives us the chance to succeed. Give yourself that chance.
LOVE hearing about these long runs!! It helps to motivate me to stop crying about running a mile and just get out there and do it. It put in 1.56 miles yesterday. Which is a struggle for me.. but thank you for keeping to inspire me!
Side note… when your blog comes up in my newsreader now, it says (title unknown) instead of Project White Space.. there should be somewhere in the admin panel to update this..
I will fix the feed. Hopefully. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about putting together a recording of motivational stuff for new runners to use while they start running. I have what I think are some pretty fun ideas for it. Would you be interested in trying those out? Haven’t started it yet, just been brainstorming it. Do you use a smart phone or ipod on your run?
Sure, I’d try! I use my iPhone
And I could use all the help I can get! 
Ok. Now I just have to find the time to do it.
Bethany,
I am guessing the title unknown has something to do with your custom header. You might need to specify a title, then specify hide text.
See this thread:
http://en.forums.wordpress.com/topic/blog-title-not-showing-in-google-reader?replies=11
Of course, it could be something else…
Aha! Perfect. Thanks for that. I couldn’t figure it out.
Well you’re finally there and I love your first post. I understand that in oh so many ways. Struggling to overcome obstacles or to reach specific goals are all very hard work. When you say you’re “trading in their “old” struggles for new ones” you’re dead on. Realizing that and learning to see those new struggles as an adventure makes the whole experience, still hard work, but much more fun. Bravo my friend.
FYI: Jennifer is right about the feed.
I will have to figure out that feed issue, in the meantime, I’ve got a help request in to the theme-makers asking about the email option. They answered once, but it only ended up providing more theme options. I guess I will just have to work my way through THIS struggle and figure it out.
Wow! 22 miles?! That’s amazing! I could barely make it even 1 mile since I went through my spine surgery.
I’ve actually read once that going through the first step can be just as hard, if not harder, than the last few miles. It’s ‘coz we get so many “what ifs” the moment that we decide that we would want to accomplish something. If we listen to it long enough, it can convince us not to even give the journey a try, especially if we’ve been through a lot of disappointments in the past. Getting past through the that is the first hurdle. Once you get through that, and then you start seeing your progress, it will be a lot easier to encourage yourself that you’ve come so far to quit.
Adeline, I totally experience what you read. I experience it nearly every day I begin my run. It’s not so much a “what if” as it is just pure laziness in the beginning. But in the bigger picture, yeah, I had the big “what if” when it came to deciding just to do it. And as I’ve seen my progress, it has gotten easier and easier and I feel more confident. We just have to take it step by step, right?
I didn’t know you had spine surgery–well of course it would be hard to start running again, if you should even be running at all.
Congratulations on 22 miles Little-Miss-Inspiration, I salute you!!
You are so right about this concept of struggling and quitting. This has been a big pattern of mine for most of my life. I need to learn to go with the struggle and to get as confortable as I can with it.
That was a big pattern for me too, but I’ve been breaking it. It feels really good to break it. Makes me like myself more and feel more confident.
Bethany,
Glad to see your goals posted. wish great success. You make me think of setting few goals for myself.
Wow! Good for you Bethany. I joined a running group over a year ago too. My longest run was only 10 Miles. I stopped / took a break from running shortly after that and now I get out of breath when I just go up the stairs. I plan to do a physical, make sure my heart is beating as it should be and get back into it. I hope to do the Reggae Marathon this December 1st (never been, but it’s a big deal in Jamaica) and at least do a 5K.
Best of luck to you when the big day comes and thanks for sharing your experience.
Hi Stephanie! Thanks so much for stopping in
10 miles is a strong run. And I know what you mean about taking a break–i notice a significant decrease in my aerobic fitness if I take a break for 2 or 3 weeks. You have to keep at it if you want to keep it or it goes away FAST! I’m actually going to be writing about this soon–about maintaining even after your big event. If you want to do the marathon in December, I hope you are training now to get back your 10 mile fitness level. Speaking of which, it’ll be easier to get to that level now that you’ve done it once. I’d love to hear how that goes. I’ll check out your blog too.
Patience is a virtue. Agree with what you write Bethany. The odd thing is that people frequently give up just as they are about to succeed. Such a pity, isn’t it.
Catarina, it’s totally a pity. Success just around the corner and they missed it.
Bethany! I like the look of your new layout.
Like your post! But I don’t see the traditional “like” button. Do you lose that when you host elsewhere?
I’ve considered the self-hosting thing, but I’ve been too petrified to switch over. It took me forever just to teach myself how to do the whole wordpress thing! Let’s just say the learning curve is rather high.
I am curious though–you said you’re self-hosting, but do you use the wordpress blogging thing (so it’s wordpress.org rather than wordpress.com)? How do you move a site over? Who do you use for your host? You don’t have to reply here–if you could email me with all your bloggy secrets, that would be fantastic, lol! I’m scared, woman, scared! I need somebody to hold my hand and help me through it–or at least convince me that I should before I do, lol.
HOLLY!! Good to see you here!
Yes, I can email you with all my blogging secrets and I will hold your hand through it. It’s so easy–don’t be afraid.
And yes, the traditional “like” button is with wordpress.com. If you like my posts, you can always tweet them or comment on them
Great Post Bethany! I think we all have our habits we want to break and some of them are just so tough! But it makes it so much easier to have a friend by your side while your struggling with it. Well done on your run I used to run … years ago but sadly my knees can’t handle it anymore.. so yoga here I come!
Love the Frederick Douglas quote!
That’s a good one!
Thanks for stopping by!